Stephen just loves chocolate chip cookies, and I don’t make them often enough. Honestly – I’m afraid that if I make them, then I’ll eat them all! So today I decided to have a go at it, and make some cookies for my sweetie.

They turned out really well, but they were really big! Yum! When Little man woke up from his nap, I let him eat one. This is what he looked like halfway through – with chocolate all over his hands, face, table, bib, and cup – because the cookie was still warm. He loved it!

We’re having beans for dinner tonight (Southern-style, cooked with a piece of fatback in it). I figured we’d have something a little different, though, since we have pintos fairly often. I went through the cupboard and pulled out 3 kinds that were all similar sizes – small red kidney, black, and white navy. So we’re having red, white, and black beans tonight! Actually, it’s more like red, purple, and black, because the white ones picked up some of the black color, but they still look neat. They looked so neat right after I rinsed them that I figured I’d take a picture and post it. Neat, huh?

Little man and I were looking at a lizard climbing on the sliding glass door this morning. I figured I’d get a picture of him looking at the lizard. He was so cute! (Little man, not the lizard! The lizard was neat-looking too though) But he was so interested in the camera, we ended up taking Little man-style self portraits. He tried to push the buttons on the camera, and we got some pretty interesting shots, LOL!

Do you ever stop and think about the words you use often? Do you ever find yourself in a conversation, and realize you’ve used the same phrase or word over and over and over?

I’ve been realizing lately that I refer to myself too much. I start way too many sentences with “I…” It really hit me this weekend at the wedding when I was talking with one of the other bridesmaids. It was just a quiet realization that “Wow – I talk about myself too much!”

God has been convicting me of this the past few days. I’d noticed it before, but had forgotten that I needed to work on it. Then at the wedding, He reminded me again. It makes me take a long, hard look at myself, to see just how self-centered I can really be.

So what am I going to do about it? As for outlining certain steps, I’m not sure. But I do know that I’ll be trying to think more before I speak, as well as asking the Lord to help me in all that I say.

How about you? Are you self-centered? Do you use “I” too much?

Did I get your attention?

I got an interesting email from an old friend the other day. We were friends back in high school (10 years ago). We worked together at a Christian camp. Anyways, she remembered that I struggled with depression back then, and wanted to know what verses I clung to. So, I’m pasting part of my reply to her here, and I thought I’d blog a bit more about it as well.

To begin with, I do want to direct you to read my testimony, if you haven’t yet. You can read it here.

By nature, I have a somewhat melancholy personality. I have always been somewhat of a “loner,” especially so in high school. I’ve just always been able to find things to do by myself for hours at a time. That’s just the way I’m wired. For most of my junior high and high school years, I usually immersed myself in a good book or piano practice.

Before I was saved, everything seemed so hopeless. But now my perspective has changed. Things looked so much more hopeless to me then than they do now. I was so depressed then. I didn’t know how I’d get through it. I took it moment by moment. I read the Bible a lot. I read the Psalms daily then. I read the Psalms through every month for probably a year straight. I clung to the Bible – even though I still hadn’t accepted Christ yet.

Now, things are different. Even though I still struggle with depression, things are different. Still difficult and discouraging, but definitely different. But it’s because I’m viewing life from a different angle now.

I’m not belittling depression, because I still struggle with it. Depression is a hotly-contested issue in some Christian circles today. I have heard both sides of the fence. There are those that insist that Jesus is the cure for all depression, and no medication is ever needed, and there are those who rush to medicate people at the slightest hint of discouragement.

If you believe that you’re struggling with depression, the first thing you need to do is talk to God about it. Determine if you’ve really accepted Christ as Savior of your life. It’s easy to feel hopeless if there’s a God-shaped void in your life. Make sure you know when you were saved.

Next, seek Godly counsel. Meet with a more mature Christian than you (preferably your pastor). They often can see things in our lives that we cannot see ourselves. It can be easy to confuse spiritual conviction and doubt with depression. Even if they are unsure of how to counsel you, because they are a Christian, they can pray for you.

Only after seeking Godly counsel would I recommend seeing a doctor. I have nothing against doctors, but it seems that it is becoming harder and harder to find Christian doctors these days. All too often, doctors write prescriptions, without stopping to evaluate if there is a spiritual problem first. That is why it is so important to see a Christian doctor for this. Sometimes depression is caused by a hormonal imbalance (as in post-partum depression, which is widely misunderstood); and in those types of instances, medication may help to balance things out.

The main thing I would stress is to stay in the Word. Really make an effort to read it consistently. Whether it be a chapter a day or more….developing the habit is key. I know that that sounds elementary, but when I’m down – that is usually when I have the hardest time reading my Bible daily. Once that habit is there – if I still make effort to sit down with my Bible, those are often the days that God chooses to show me something that will really encourage and bless me.

I try to meditate on verses when I get discouraged. Right now I’m working on memorizing Psalm 121. When things get bad (I mean panic-attack, world-closing-in-on-me bad), I just repeat verses back to myself over and over and over. For me – one that really helps is Psalm 121:1 – “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.” It reminds me that my help comes from the Lord – and that He is in charge no matter how bad things may seem to me.

And you know what? Since I got saved, things have been a LOT better!

It feels like we’ve been gone all weekend! Oh wait – we have.

Karen and Andrew’s wedding was yesterday. It was beautiful. And now, they’re on their way to Belize, if they’re not there already. With a trip out there Thursday morning to help Karen, the rehearsal Friday night, and the wedding on Saturday, it was a very full weekend. It was a lot of work being a bridesmaid! I’d never been in a wedding before besides being the pianist, so it was a real learning experience for me. I enjoyed it, but honestly, it’s a lot easier being the pianist than a Matron of Honor! It was fun though.

We did get a couple of pictures. One of Stephen and I, and one of Karen and I.

Two things did detract from the whole weekend, though. We had a fiasco with my hair. In short, the stylist had a hard time with my hair, and I wasn’t overly thrilled with the result. I think I was more upset because money is tight, and I ended up paying twice what I was expecting to pay. Oh well – at least I didn’t have to do my own hair for once. And I got 52 new hairpins! *giggle*

But the worst thing about the weekend is that Stephen, Little man, and I all got really sick. Monday or Tuesday, Little man started acting like he didn’t feel well, but we couldn’t find any symptoms other than teething. By Wednesday his nose started running, but he didn’t have a fever. Thursday he was no better. I took him to Fort Mill (an hour away) to go shopping with Karen. By the time I got home, my throat hurt a little. By the end of piano lessons that evening, my throat was killing me, and I was very congested. I spent most of Thursday night in my rocking chair instead of in bed, because I couldn’t sleep lying down. By Friday morning I felt awful. I had caught the virus that Little man had, and I think the reason he was cranky was because his throat hurt. It’s not like he could tell me that, or like that’s an easy thing to figure out!

By the time we got to the rehearsal, both Little man and I were miserable. I felt terrible for being around all those people, knowing I was contagious, but what do you do? I just tried to keep my space from people. Friday night I slept some better, but I was really worried how the day would turn out with me feeling crummy. While I was getting my hair done at the salon Saturday morning, Stephen came to let me know he was going to lay down in the van because he was so dizzy.

The wedding was a whirlwind of events, so even though we were gone for 13 hours, it passed quickly. And we really did enjoy the wedding! But by the time we got home we crashed. We were all so sick by then that Stephen called Preacher to let him know that we might not be in church. And when we got up this morning, we still felt really crummy. We stayed home from church all day. We went back to bed after eating breakfast, and I slept until almost noon! I don’t know when Stephen got up; but both he and Little man woke before me. Little man was kind enough to come into the bedroom to wake me up. But I didn’t mind a bit.

I got an interesting email from an old friend last night. It really got me thinking about how Christians handle depression. I hope to blog a little bit about it in the next few days, but right now, I’m tired. Hopefully more about it in the morning.

I was catching up on some blogs this morning for a few minutes. One of the ladies mentioned that she believed that insulin resistance may have a link to infertility.

I hit the comment button to leave her a comment about how I agreed with her, but I didn’t get very far. I started to explain a little bit of our situation, but then it just hit me again just how long it’s been for us with no pregnancies.

For those of you that can become pregnant easily, please be thankful for the gift of fertility that God has given you. There are many of us who would love to become pregnant so easily, but cannot.

I never did finish those comments this morning. I had to close the comment window, because I was crying. It’s just too hard some days. And today, it just hit me harder than at other times. I’m not exactly sure why; it just did. It was just to painful to see my own words, my own story, staring back at me this morning.

I long to be able to give Little man a sibling, but God’s ways are not my ways. I know He has a bigger plan than what I can see right now. In church Sunday night, the preacher mentioned that God often breaks us so that He can use us better. The breaking process is painful – often very much so. But I want God to use me. I don’t like the breaking process, but if that is what it takes to prepare my life for His use, then so be it.

I wonder what God has in store for my life. I wonder how God will choose to use my life to glorify Him. Will He use my infertility to speak to other women?

I also added another page to my blog. A couple years ago I typed up our infertility story to put on my Tranquil Harbor website. In the past couple of days, I felt like I needed to add my journey here on my blog. I don’t know how God will use it, but maybe it will encourage someone else. Maybe another hurting precious lady will realize she is not alone.

We’re slaughtering our non-layers today. Well, I say we, but really, Stephen’s going to do it. And the Boys’ Home boys are coming over to “help.” And Charlotte wants to watch. So we’ll see what happens – I imagine it will be more of a show that Stephen puts on that everybody gets to watch! Ha!

At least my afternoon won’t be boring!

Stephen finished the coop today! His dad and brother came over to help him, and they finished it (just about anyways) and put the hens in it. It looks really good, but by the time they finished, it was too dark to get a good picture. So I’ll try to get one tomorrow, but it’ll probably be Monday before I really do get one taken.

There’s still a few things that need to be done, like a better door handle, and things like that. But for the most part, it is done. The important thing is that the chickens have moved. YAY!

I went to WalMart this afternoon to pick up a prescription. I had asked my doctor if I could switch to this medicine, because it’s a gentler form of the one I was on previously. She okay’d it, and called it in for me.

I was standing in line grumbling to myself about the cost of my medicine, and about how we don’t have prescription coverage, when I overheard the conversation the lady in front of me was having with the pharmacist. It seemed that her insurance coverage had run out, leaving her with a bill of over $300 – for insulin!

Almost immediately it hit me – I should not be complaining about it in the first place – and I definitely need to be thankful that it didn’t cost more than it did. I am thankful that the doctor prescribed the new medicine – the side effects were so bad that hopefully this new one will prove to be worth the higher price.

I converted some of my notebook forms to .pdf format for download. They’re on the Notebook Forms page.

I also put a calendar view for the A to Z memory verses that I’m using with Little man.